i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
