I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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