this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
