Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize