If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
