I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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