i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
