He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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