Sry I called you an 8
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
