I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
