If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
