When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
