Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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