My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
