I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dignity is for republicans.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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