I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
