just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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