I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
