I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
