Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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