dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
