I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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