I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
