the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize