The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
