Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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