So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Green mimosas i think yes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
