Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
