If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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