got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
