Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
