To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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