how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
