no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
