Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hippo gnu deer
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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