i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize