i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
