Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
