I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
