So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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