office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
