ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
