i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
