Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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