She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
