How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
