Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
