I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
