i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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