ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
