So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
