went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize