Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
