If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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