he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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