Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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