It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
