girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
