You really coming over, don't trick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
