I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
