my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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