please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
