maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
