Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
