She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
