marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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