Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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