I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
