Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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