I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
