She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
