Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
