Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We're too hungover to prance.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
