No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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