Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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