did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
PANTIES FOUND
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