If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
