I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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