i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
