I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
