im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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