My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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