i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
