Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
