somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
