when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
