So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
