I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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