she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
